Over the course of many months -- maybe even years -- this entry has been formulating in my mind. It's the result of watchful observations, as well as learning experiences -- i.e. "mistakes" -- I have made during my time here.

This is an odd social structure we have here on Live Journal. This friending and unfriending - and what these "friendships" mean -- is not the way it is in "real life", and it causes emotional responses that I'm not sure any of us are prepared for when we first begin this journey here. I think we all have differing understandings and expectations as to what our friends list really "is" and "means". Because of this disparity, misunderstandings, then drama occurs.

I am writing this, not as a dialog, but more of an announcement so that my friends and anyone who might come to my journal understand(s) how I am approaching certain situations on Live Journal. For this reason, comments are disabled. I'm also keeping this a back dated (actually written on 6/10/07) so that it won't be front and center on friends pages. It's also a public entry so that I can link back to it in my user info page.

I'll be glad when this is written and I can go back to my "regularly scheduled programming" *g*

I do not know what it is about "drama", but human beings are drawn to it like flies to flypaper. Just look at how we are attracted to news stories about Paris Hilton, or Anna Nicole. We all seem to have an instinctive urge to peek into the personal misfortunes of another's life. I admit I'm no different and I had the TV on as I watched Paris bounce in and out of prison over the last few days. Not much is very different here on LJ.

People declare adamantly in their user info pages that they abhor drama -- but then I'd see these same people right in the midst of it -- sometimes unwittingly.

I have also found myself in the midst of it, myself. I didn't realize it til I was right there.

So -- the question I have been asking myself: How am I going to keep myself out of this crap, as much as humanly possible? I have a few thoughts below, based upon observations of others, as well as my own mistakes, which I reserve the right to adjust or change based upon any new experiences / observations I may have....

1. I will not be discussing any interpersonal difficulties that I might have with any other live journal member in my journal - either peripherally or directly. If I feel the need to discuss something, I will go directly to that person privately in whatever way works best -- online chat, email, phone. If I need to write about it - I have my private journal or can make a private entry. I have been lucky that this has not happened to me, but mention this because I've watched the results of when others discuss their issues in their journals. No matter how valid they are, from observation, I see the drama escalate as comments are added. Occasionally I might discuss how I learned from some conflict that either I experience or observe, but in such a way as not to refer to the conflict specifically and only talk about how I learned some lesson from it. Yet -- I will make the effort to time these entries to be written after the conflict is over, emotions have lessened, and people have moved forward.

2. I will not comment on journal entries about conflicts between Live Journal members - no matter how veiled - or valid. THIS is how I have unwittingly gotten myself involved in Live Journal drama. My lack of vocal response does not mean that I do not care or see your point. It just means that in commenting, even generically by saying, "I'm sorry for your pain", I am, often without realizing it, mixing myself up in a conflict that usually does not involve me. I am perceived as taking sides, even if I am not. If I believe it's imperative to say something, I will comment privately to the person involved.

3. I also have learned that NO ONE involved in any situation has the corner on The Truth of that matter. Instead, they perceive the situation through their own filter. These perceptions are not The Truth, but are the conclusions reached based on how they interpret their experiences, based on personal biases. So, listening to one person or one side is limiting.

4. I will also not acquiesce to innuendos, requests or demands -- even veiled ones -- that a requirement for our LJ friendship is that I unfriend someone because you have done so. I will make those decisions based upon my own value judgments. Can't we all be civilized and co-exist in the same space? I mean -- this is not junior high! If you do not like someone who is also in my space -- just avoid that person. I admit this gets tricky because there might be those who would not feel safe within my journal walls if a certain person is, for example, using my space to stalk or "overly watch" another person with whom they have a conflict. But, other than this, which I'll deal with on a case by case basis, based upon private conversations. I don't believe it's fair to take on your conflict, if I don't feel it's mine.

5. I cannot control what you chooses to write in your journal. That is your space, just as this is my space. However, If you feel you have a conflict with me, all I can do is request that you please email me privately rather than speak about it in a public way. And that includes sarcastic, veiled comments! *g*

6. If you choose to discuss your disagreements and conflicts with another Live Journal member in your journal, and in so doing, decide to IDENTIFY that member in your post, for me, that is the point where I will consider unfriending you. I can't say that I'll do it for sure, because situations may arise where I might need to "eat my words". It is your right to do this because it is your journal space, but it's also my right to leave, should I feel the necessity to do so. I do not care how correct you are and how valid your feelings - and I may totally understand where you are coming from. However, for me, it's the identification which makes it intolerable. To identify escalates the conflict to areas where it doesn't need to go.

It's my hope that this post in and of itself does not cause drama of it's own. I realize that talking about this type of thing is "drama inducing" by itself! And, talking about NOT talking about drama is talking about drama. So -- it's my hope that this is my last post of it's kind. However, I reserve the right to amend this post with any new things I might decide are relevant.